This was the year that was 2018 :
The genders blurred, sexual orientations blended, sexual abuse continued but with a real movement behind it, namely #MeToo. We all fell in love multiple times , and cheated. Both online and In Real Life. Porn became main stream and sexual addiction lost more and more ground as academics and clinicians clearly claimed not enough evidence to shame people into this sham diagnosis.
Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder was accepted by the new ICD -11 classification system. A great roar of joy was heard globally . It just means less sexual shaming of people and more rigorous treatment/management of people who sincerely suffer tremendous distress with this real condition .
It was a year of the Woman, and with that , it got to be the year of the Man. Men were in the spotlight. Men are no longer able to hide in the shadows as women throw light on their pain , pain perpetrated by male privilege, entitlement and ignorance.
Men questioned “Bad Sex” as compared to non consensual sex. “Bad sex” is intolerable for women . They insist on closing that orgasm gap. And won’t settle for “Im fine… as long as Ive made you happy ” lies, any longer. Finally those 43% low desire women are coming out their closets, and disputing this global statistic. They are predatory both offline and online. Their desire is pretty intact – when they are having the kind of “good” sex they desire.. which , as I learned from Wednesday Martin , needs novelty, surprise and perhaps another woman thrown into her bicurious mix. Not “emotional connection ” as she has been socialised and repressed into believing.
Anyway lying about pleasure is dishonest and dishonouring to men. Let’s give men dignity and knowledge. They are confused and still too tied into traditional ideas such as women need coercion , men need to take responsibility for her orgasms, and that orgasms depend on his large always hard erections.
Sex toys got really sexy in 2018. Because they are so mainstreamed , less stigma exists in their use. Women and their partners are more accepting that this is the easiest way to close that dastardly orgasm gap. Why not ??!
In 2018 men learned that sexual harassment has to be unlearned. It is a behaviour that has previously been seen as acceptable , an unsaid agreement between men wanting sex and power and women wanting work and money. No more casting couches. No more women loosing their jobs after they institute sexual harassment charges and mending left untouched in their organisations.
Interestingly, the two most popular radio shows on my segment with Eusebius, Radio 702/Cape Talk , were male sexual abuse survivors and endometriosis. My heart tugged and contracted in empathy for the men and the women who called in to share their terrible pain, pain so different , but with the common elements of shame and silence.
Men who hold silence of this traumatic experience as it talks to their masculinity. They are not taken seriously and in turn do not reach out for the limited resources on offer. Endometriosis is a life of endless pain.. and often times not diagnosed or misdiagnosed for years. The trauma of sexual abuse and the hopelessness and pain of endometriosis cause sexual dysfunctions. We have to create more platforms where we can talk with less shame about intimate pain …
This is what got me excited in 2018 :
Infidelity : Since doing my research into Cyber Infidelity, my curiosity and knowledge, increases as I get to further understand consensual and non consensual non monogamy. Once caught out, this very painful experience opens up parts of people that would,never be opened up. Like honesty. At the very hub of extreme pain , a couple becomes so deeply honest with themselves and each other . And this truth that can make a relationship actually happier and sexier. If — and this is a big IF– the couple can professionally process the trauma that is infidelity.
Out of the ashes of infidelity, comes choices of relationship structures. Like open relationships , polyamory, having a consensual pass for the night to make out with a bunch of same sex people , hook ups, cam girl sex, a lover. Or settling into monogamy , exclusively with each other- but with a more honest sex life.
The Future of Sex is pulling me along , together with the Future of Sex Toys. As sex tech becomes more advanced, from Teledildonics, to Artificial Intelligence enabling us to animate Sex Dolls/Sexbots, so that we can engage in a more emotional manner with them, intimacy and human connection are challenged. Dating and intimate communicating are being hijacked by tech , such as social media. This 4th Industrial Revolution requires new expectations and new discussions with partners. More than ever the need for a new set of agreements is necessary . Else we end up hurt and bleeding from unplanned infidelity. The circle turns and comes back to Infidelity.
My Future 2019:
- Launch of DR EVE’s INFIDELITY APP. Sign up here to receive my newsletters to learn of the launch of my new App. An App that will take you through the daily stages of Infidelity recovery , into trauma growth.
- Exclusive supplier of CRESCENDO, from MYSTERYVIBE , a UK designed sex toy that is the most technologically advanced sex toy for both men and women . Sign up to my newsletter for more information .
- Launch of a new range of Sex Toys, Svakom.
- 30th January – Art Performance with the artist Say Say Love, GUS Gallery, Stellenbosch . Theme is “Loneliness and Intimacy : an experiential In Real Life performance ” Sign up here for FREE attendance.
- 21st March : Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, Washington DC. To learn with Bessel van der folk, Developmental trauma Disorder.
- 2nd May : Society of Sex Therapy and Research , Toronto, Canada.
- September : Non Monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies Conference, Barcelona.
Despite the 4th Industrial Revolution’s massive impact on intimacy and sexuality, it appears that nothing can ever replace human touch and connection . I invite you to join me in 2019 to learn how to enhance your human connection In Real Life , which includes utilising tech to your intimate advantage.