There are two major , and overlapping, themes that emerge in my therapy room : sexuality and money. He will present with an erection difficulty or early ejaculation and she will express no desire for sexuality. Disagreements over money are one of the top causes of couple fights and divorce. We feel shame, and this … Read moreMoney matters in Intimacy
How are you feeling today ? Sad, bad, mad, glad, neutral, numb…. ? How many hours/days/months/years has it been that you have been hanging around in Heartbreak Hotel? Tell me the reason for your BreakUp ? And who did the breaking?? Was it mutually agreed upon , or only one sided? Shudder as I recall … Read moreWelcome to Heartbreak Hotel
“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] … Read moreCommitment ambiguity hurts people
A few months ago , acclaimed German artist and visual activist SaySay.Love reached out and invited me to consider creating an event for his upcoming Exhibition, “Intimate Loneliness /Sex with Things”, at the Gus Gallery, Stellenbosch , 30th January. Like a well trained automated bot, I reached for my device and googled. And did an In … Read moreIntimate Loneliness: Sex with things
Millennials and their younger siblings are living paradoxes: they are activists, (#Feesmustfall #MeToo) inspire sociopolitical change, embrace diversity, and are tree hugging ecologically minded. Yet their vulnerabilities are well documented. They’re experiencing staggering increases in the rates of psychiatric disorders, loneliness, suicides, and in the USA, opioid deaths. Their primary form of sexual activity is … Read moreAre sexual boundaries necessary for teens ? Yes but…
I have ping ponged between being single, attached , single, attached. I have experienced the flood of social invitations from other couples when partnered and the social isolation from these same friends when single. I am way past wondering why partnered people truly believe that single people have no life and thus available for baby … Read moreSingilism and Matrimania : are you guilty of these?
Hello to you in 2019! I am well lit with the magic I am planning for myself in 2019. I invite you to join me as I explore new ideas on healthy, tech intimacy driven sexuality and relationships that are the future of sex. However before we move into the future we must linger in … Read moreHow well do you know your partner?
This was the year that was 2018 : The genders blurred, sexual orientations blended, sexual abuse continued but with a real movement behind it, namely #MeToo. We all fell in love multiple times , and cheated. Both online and In Real Life. Porn became main stream and sexual addiction lost more and more ground as … Read more2018 was a year of infidelity, masculinity and sexual pain .
“All I want for Xmas is an orgasm , a new vagina , a pretty vulva and some help for my embarrassing stress incontinence that gets me to pee every time I do jumping jacks at the gym.” “Ho ho ho dear lady – I have just the solution for you. All wrapped into one … Read moreDesigner Vaginas or How junk science & patriarchy has occupied your vagina
The first time I ever saw a sex toy was in 1994. It was after my first day of lectures in my Doctoral program in Sexology at the Institute of Advanced Study of Human Sexuality , San Francisco. My new friends , amused I’d never seen a sex toy, (thank you Apartheid for sexual repression … Read moreThe Future of Sex Toys: closing the orgasm gap.
Have you ever cheated on your partner? Yes, you, Im talking to you. Before you answer, stop and think. I know you want to appear morally righteous , and I don’t expect you to give me your truth as you expect me to judge you and you want to be seen as a nice person … Read moreThe truth about Female Infidelity: bonobos, ploughs and the Skirt Club
It’s that time of year again . Those 16 Days of Activism of no violence against women and children. The campaign began in 1991 and runs every year from 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, to 10 December, Human Rights Day. How naive this now appears to be. One year … Read moreSexual Harassment in your workplace : 1 year after #MeToo
We all shudder at the word CANCER. It casts a shadow over us and we hope that it will not linger over our bodies. Since research suggests that only five percent of cancers are hereditary, we are made fully aware through the media and cancer campaigns, of how adapting our lifestyles to prevent non -inherited cancers … Read moreCervical Cancer threatens South African women : here’s how to lower your risk
I know you care a whole lot about how many times you and other people are having sex. I know this because people like you come into my therapy room dragging in your partner who looks totally humiliated, bent over in shame, as he/she crawls into a corner on my couch. This partner is … Read moreThe big reveal on sexual frequency …
Sexuality and the performance thereof is a deeply personal experience, commonly shared between two people, or more. You consensually choose with whom you want to share this deeply intimate time. Privacy is usually a prime determinant of when and where you have sexual activity. Some people still struggle to be sexual with a significant … Read moreDifferently abled people struggle with sexuality : here’s why.
Ask any heterosexual boy or girl what their first consensual sexual touch was and it will be breast touch. Actually kissing is where people begin but this is not recognised as being “sex” although it really is very sexual. Breasts are the first sign of puberty , the flagging that this girl is becoming a … Read moreThe intimacy of breast cancer.
Calling all men : what was the totality of your sexuality education at home? Was it an admonishing “don’t get girls pregnant?” , or a “son , respect women ” as you sneak peaked dad’s well hidden porn collection or witnessed dad beating up mom. Calling all women : what was your sexuality education at … Read moreWhat sexual ethics are you teaching your boys?
To make a baby you need a few basic requirements. Such as a vagina that can open and is not painful, and a straight , not crooked, penis erect enough to penetrate this vagina . You also need a man who can ejaculate into this vagina. Many a man struggles with delayed ejaculation, so delayed … Read moreSexual dysfunction and infertility: making the unsexy , sexy
Meet Samantha. She is a Sexbot. A cutting edge robot that likes to be touched and has different modes of interaction. And the money shot is that she can synchronize orgasms with you. She also has a mode that allows her to say No to sex! Meet Harmony She is one of the most advanced sex … Read moreAre you ready for a sex robot ??!
Parents , listen up! I’m here to save you utter humiliation and possible harm to your children. . There is no way in hell that you are right now well enough prepared to raise a sexually healthy child. A few short years ago, the internet was the boogeyman in every parents life . You spent … Read moreParenting in the age of sexual flexibility, plasticity & abuse
I wait for it… and every time I get it. A woman or a man will call into my radio show , e mail, post to me on social media, or be on my therapy couch and heartbreakingly sob over the abuse being suffered at the hands and mouth of a current lover. And … Read more” ….but I love him/her/they”
The World Health Organisation (WHO ) put out a clarion call ! After 20 years it was time to reevaluate their Bible, namely the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11). Check every invoice from your health care provider and notice a little ICD-10 code. It is a system used internationally by physicians and other healthcare providers to … Read moreWhy “Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder” Isn’t the Same as “Sex Addiction”.
I like jealousy. Admittedly the feeling is a dastardly painful emotional experience. However not feeling it makes me afraid that I dont really care. That I am apathetic. Yet feeling it, or admitting that I feel this complex emotion,makes me feel embarrassed, weak . Jealousy is desperate, clingy and unattractive . No way do I … Read moreThe Joy of Jealousy
Confession time : Im attracted to larger men. As long as he has the large confidence to match his large size. I like people who are confident in their own skin. I feel safe, grounded and relaxed when I am with a partner who can stand his man. Whatever “his man” is to him . … Read moreObesity, overweight, heavy, large : lets have an intimate conversation
‘What, are you gay now?’ I just said ‘I’m not gay, I was raped’. But at that moment I knew that disclosing the event and opening a case would be a waste of time because, if my friends thought it was a joke, other people would probably also make fun of me.” What is it … Read moreA message to male sexual assault survivors: you are not alone
I ask myself why there is so much pain and shame associated with being in a female body. Whether it begins with her first inappropriate non consensual touch , usually by a man, or her first painful consensual penetration with a man , her pain is ignored, its expected, and she quickly learns to suck … Read moreLets talk about Endometriosis – no one else is
The professional sex therapist ( and the many quacks who call themselves “sex therapists” ) narrative around fantasies goes like this : “share your sexual fantasies with each other. It will create intimacy, get you to really understand each other’s sexuality and perhaps you will get to actualise these fantasies. ” I scream out silently … Read moreExposing your Fantasies …to tell or not to tell
I am a keeper of secrets. Like a priest in a confession booth, I have the responsibility of holding and handling people’s most sacred and often times, shameful secrets. One of the first contractual agreements I, like every therapist, enters into with a client/clients, is that of confidentiality. I commit to being the professional secret … Read moreFamily secrets: what do we tell the children ?
Dear Dr Eve, help! Im a straight woman in a relationship with a man who recently revealed that he is bisexual. I am very attracted to him, and I know he feels the same way about me. We have a really good sex life. I am scared he is going to leave me for a … Read moreI’m straight in a relationship with a bisexual person
You can join the conversation by visiting Dr Eve’s Instagram account or her website. (read original Huffington Post here) Clinical sexologist and couples sex therapist Dr Eve has started a campaign that deals with intimacy trauma and how one can go back to having sex after experiencing sexual harassment. HTTP://DREVE.CO.ZA/ The campaign runs daily on social media, … Read moreDr Eve’s New Campaign Addresses Sex After #MeToo
‘I’m going to answer your questions about consent, permission, and how to build a safe, pleasurable environment for your healthy sexual expression.’ (Read the original Huffington Post article) My earliest memory of sexual harassment was as a young teen. It was of my dentist touching me inappropriately. I told no one, having no language to … Read moreLet’s Have A Conversation About Engaging In Sex After #MeToo
On June 16 1976 a student uprising began in Soweto and spread countrywide. In the Western world these kids are referred to as the Generation X kids, children of Baby Boomers. What made these kids unique from their parents was that they were latch key kids, were placed in day care as both parents worked, and … Read moreYouth Day : who is Generation Z?
Think about the greatest sexual experience you have ever had. I am sure you remember every detail of this experience: the place, date, time , smells and the intimate activities that were happening. You might have been alone ,with a partner, or with more than one partner. You were not thinking about a work assignment, … Read moreLow sexual arousal /interest? Mindfulness is the answer
Orgasms launched my career. Twenty five years ago talking about orgasms on radio was a necessity . Lack of sexuality education in an Apartheid state, my passion for educating people about sexuality and the firm conviction that it is the right of every person to enjoy healthy and pleasurable sexuality, motivated me to talk about … Read moreFemale Orgasm : its time to wise up
My earliest memory of sexual harassment was as a young teen, of my dentist touching me inappropriately. I told no one, having no language to even begin to express my confusion and discomfort. Literally a few weeks ago my 89 year old Aunt mentioned our family dentist and how he had felt her up. It … Read moreSexAfter#MeToo
Let’s get honest about masturbation and pornography. Im going to simplify it like this: You watch porn because it physically and mentally , arouses you . You want to be aroused because you want to masturbate. Preferably alone. You want to masturbate because you enjoy the feelings of being private with your own sexuality. Because … Read moreMay is International Masturbation Month : cum celebrate
Read Huffingtonpost original article here Sexual self-disclosure allows partners to better understand each other’s sexual needs and preferences. The number remains consistent : 43% of women currently experience one sexual problem and 12% report significant distress about their sexual problems. By sexual problems I refer to women with low sexual interest/desire and arousal , as … Read moreTo tell or not to tell: Disclosing sexual problems to a partner
Read Huffingtonpost original article here I should understand the institution of marriage. Ive had two of my own over the past 40 years, and I choose to spend hours of my working day in other people’s marriages/significant relationships. So Im always excited as I begin to notice changes in marriage that my clients bring to … Read moreMarriage Today : New thoughts on an old institution
Read Huffingtonpost original article here This is not a justification for cheating. It’s a new way of looking at and understanding infidelity. I know you’re happily married. I also know that morally you, like the majority of people globally, are opposed to infidelity. I also know that you have been impacted by infidelity either as … Read moreCould Cheating On Your Spouse Actually Save Your Marriage?
This is not a justification for cheating. It’s a new way of looking at and understanding infidelity. I know you’re happily married. I also know that morally you, like the majority of people globally, are opposed to infidelity. I also know that you have been impacted by infidelity either as a witness, child, confidant, friend. … Read moreCould Cheating On Your Spouse Actually Save Your Marriage?
I know you’re happily married. I also know that morally you, like the majority of people globally, are opposed to infidelity. I also know that you have been impacted by infidelity either as witness, child, confidant , friend. And so you know there is just nothing that hurts quite as badly as infidelity. However … Read moreInfidelity makes me feel alive: agree or disagree?
As we move into virtual reality in the next phase of our digi-lives, we remain humans, not robots, with human emotions. I have never been a fan of science fiction. It’s too out-there and definitely scary. Working with the unexpectedness of people’s behaviour, especially in their intimate relationships, is chilling – and thrilling. However, technology … Read more#Techsex: When Jealousy And Surveillance Kill The Mood
There are solutions to avoiding both. “I told him I was tired, as he asked to go the third round while reaching for yet another condom. As if an agreement had been reached. He lay on top of me, and thrust and thrust, until he finally ejaculated. I lay still and unmoving underneath him. Days … Read moreThe Difference Between Sexual Assault And Bad Sex
The CLOSER study proves that atrophied vaginas are an emotional and sexual health hazard. At last a group of South African medical academics has looked at South African women’s vaginas and published their findings in a prestigious journal, Climacteric (2017 Vol 20, NO.1, 49-54). More specifically, these academics – all highly respected gynaecologists – chose … Read moreAgeing South African Vaginas: A Study
I know you want to know this fact because I am asked it so frequently . The question posed is : “how important is sex in a relationship?” It is usually asked by a person who feels so guilty for not having more frequent sex with her/his partner. They are so desperate for release from … Read moreSexual Desire Discrepancy- Guide to getting on the same page
I have never been a fan of science fiction. Its too out there and definitely scary. I find reality fascinating enough. Working with the unexpectedness of people’s behaviour , especially in their intimate relationships, is chilling – and thrilling. However technology grabbed my attention. This #tech world has always felt surreal , too immediate and … Read more#TechSex: Jealousy and Surveillance
Abortion is a taboo subject in South Africa, with all of the associated stigmas. It is interesting to note that one of the first new bills that was passed in post-apartheid South Africa was the Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act 1996. Pretty impressive that the government of the day recognised and prioritised sexual and reproductive … Read moreLet’s Revisit The Termination Of Pregnancy Discussion
At last a group of South African medical academics have looked at South African women’s vaginas and published their findings in a prestigious journal , namely Climateric ,( 2017 Vol 20, NO.1, 49-54) . More specifically these academics, all highly respected gynaecologists, chose to study post menopausal women’s atrophied vaginas. These are vaginas that are … Read moreAgeing South African Vaginas : a study
” I told him I was tired, as he asked to go a third round , whilst reaching for yet another condom. As if an agreement had been reached. He lay on top of me , and thrust and thrust, until he finally ejaculated. I lay still and unmoving underneath him. Days later I … Read moreBad Sex : An Expose
Accusing her for taking so long to speak up about sexual harassment hints at disbelief and doubt of the woman. Don’t ask. Simply do not ask this question. It implies that women are responsible for their own abuse and harassment. It hints at disbelief and doubt of the woman. It invites her onto a platform … Read moreYou Asking Why She Stayed Silent Makes Me Want To Gag. Just Don’t
“According to the Good Book, allowing anyone else into your sacred bed, makes you an infidel who will be met with fire and brimstone.” I remember the first time a couple came to share their cuckolding experience. I was moved by the boldness with which this 40-something educated man and woman spoke of this totally … Read moreCuckolding And Hotwifing — Fetish Or Not?
How interesting is it that one of the first new Bills that was passed in post Apartheid South Africa was the Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act 1996. Pretty impressive that the Government of the day recognised and prioritised sexual and reproductive health, creating one of the most progressive abortion bills in the world. … Read moreTermination of pregnancy : let’s revisit
You fucked up. Like big time. You know you’re not supposed to do that stuff. Stuff like falling in love with another person when you’ve legally, religiously, and ethically committed to love only one person, that person being your significant partner/spouse. Stuff like having happy endings with paid masseuse , or hook up sex with … Read moreA perpetrators guide to surviving infidelity
Ive been thinking a lot about “betrayal”. As a couple and sex therapist working with the trauma of sexual and emotional infidelity , it is easy for me to be side tracked into seeing infidelity as the primary form of betrayal. This is a narrow lens within which to view betrayal. I want to expand … Read moreIntimate Betrayals
New Year’s resolutions leave an empty feeling in my gut. Perhaps because I am quite a focused person , having long ago embraced mindfulness as a lifestyle, the idea of delaying gratification makes me feel uneasy. Every day is filled with new possibilities and purpose and this gives me the passion to live life fully… … Read moreLive 2018 with Purpose & Passion
The fact is, few people fall back in love again. Few recover from romantic disengagement and indifference. Falling in love is an experience we idealise; a state of being we are told will bring us the ultimate happiness and satisfaction in life. It’s an aspirational goal for the lonely, broken-hearted and singularly defeated people. It … Read moreHow To Know When You’ve Fallen Out Of Love
Lets begin unpacking this sex toy story. I know some of you remain sceptical and uncomfortable with the notion of sex toys. I adore seeing the faces of people who walk into my practice and ask for the Dr Eve Store. Some look like deer before the headlights: exposed and vulnerable , whilst others are … Read moreMy top reasons why you should use Sex Toys
Don’t ask . Simply do not ask this question. It implies that women are responsible for their own abuse and harassment . It hints at disbelief and doubt of the woman. It invites her onto a platform on which she has to explain and justify that she was indeed sexually abused. Its a cop out, … Read moreWhy don’t women tell..? Don’t ask.
“It’s appropriate and healthy to reconsider the role of sexual desire in your own life, value system and in relation to your partnerships.” On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being the lowest and 5 the highest, rate how important your sexual desire is to you. Give a reason for this rating. No … Read moreIf You’re Distressed About Your Sexual Desire, This Could Be Why
There is a complicit, unspoken agreement between a couple not to talk about certain subjects. Like sexuality. “I’m not a cheater,” says the man on my couch. “I’m a responsible husband. I have a job, I parent, I don’t abuse my wife. We even have sex together. So I fulfil the basic requirements of marriage. … Read moreRadical Honesty — Is It Necessary To Talk About ‘Everything’?
In 1998 the CDC uncovered a link between childhood trauma and chronic diseases people develop as adults as well as social and emotional problems. The man on my therapy couch tells me he “explodes” with his partner. He shamefully confesses verbally abusing her and cries as he tries to understand why he hurts the person … Read moreSome Healing Advice For Those Whose Childhood Trauma Shattered Their Sexuality And Intimacy
Were I to ask you whether or not you’re cheating online as you sext, chat, flirt with a person who is not your partner, you’d probably say no. Were I to ask you whether or not you believe in cheating, you would answer “no”? I’m betting that even Cyril Ramaphosa would say he believes in the principle … Read moreDoes Cyber-Infidelity Shield Your Polyamorous Need — Yes Or No?
Invite your partner for a discussion on consent and make sure you’re both on the same page. The concept of “consent” is messy and confusing. And that’s when you’re sober and unaroused, now add sexual arousal, excitement and external stimulants and it’s a struggle to work through the politics of consent. Placing all of this … Read moreHere’s What Consensual Sex Is And What It Isn’t In Five Scenarios
The fact is 70 percent of breast cancer survivors have sexual dysfunctions that persist well beyond the first year of treatment and may worsen over time. As a South African woman, you can be sure of two things: one in three of you will be raped and about one in eight white women and 35 … Read moreHere’s How Breast Cancer And The Loss Of Sexual Desire Intersect
Marriage was born of ancient societies’ need to secure a safe environment in which to breed, handle the granting of property rights, and protect bloodlines. There was a time when being married was an advantage. In fact, marriage was deemed to be so important that powerful elder men fighting for land and economic strength arranged … Read moreCould It Be True That The Advantages Of Marriage Are Disappearing?
Professionals who work clinically and conduct research into paedophilia must be be scientific and confident to withstand the arrows that get slung at them. Working professionally in sexuality is edgy. Working with children (and I refer to people under the age of 18 years old) and sexuality is off the edge. No person wants to … Read moreIt’s Not A Popular Subject, But The Latest Research About Paedophilia May Help Us Protect Our Kids