Cervical Cancer threatens South African women : here’s how to lower your risk

We all shudder at the word CANCER. It casts a shadow over us and we hope that it will not linger over our bodies. Since  research suggests that only five percent of cancers are hereditary, we are made  fully aware through the media and cancer campaigns, of how  adapting our lifestyles to prevent non -inherited cancers … Read moreCervical Cancer threatens South African women : here’s how to lower your risk

The big reveal on sexual frequency …

  I know you care a whole lot about how many times you and other people are having sex. I know this because people like you come into my therapy room dragging in your partner who looks totally humiliated, bent over in shame, as he/she crawls into a corner on my couch. This partner is … Read moreThe big reveal on sexual frequency …

Differently abled people struggle with sexuality : here’s why.

Sexuality and the performance thereof is a deeply personal  experience, commonly shared  between two people, or more.   You consensually choose with whom you want to share this deeply intimate time. Privacy is usually a prime determinant  of when and where you have sexual activity. Some people still struggle to be sexual with a significant … Read moreDifferently abled people struggle with sexuality : here’s why.

The intimacy of breast cancer.

Ask any heterosexual  boy or girl what their first  consensual sexual touch was and it will be breast touch. Actually kissing is where people begin but this is not recognised as being “sex” although it really is very sexual. Breasts are the first sign of puberty , the flagging  that this girl is becoming a … Read moreThe intimacy of breast cancer.

What sexual ethics are you teaching your boys?

Calling all men : what was the totality of your sexuality education at home? Was it an admonishing “don’t get girls pregnant?” , or a “son , respect women ” as you sneak peaked  dad’s well hidden porn collection or witnessed dad beating  up mom. Calling all women : what was your sexuality education at … Read moreWhat sexual ethics are you teaching your boys?

Sexual dysfunction and infertility: making the unsexy , sexy

To make a baby you need a few basic requirements. Such as a vagina that can  open and is not painful,  and a straight , not crooked,  penis erect enough to penetrate this vagina .  You also need a man who can ejaculate into this vagina. Many  a man struggles with delayed ejaculation, so delayed … Read moreSexual dysfunction and infertility: making the unsexy , sexy

Are you ready for a sex robot ??!

Meet Samantha. She is a Sexbot. A cutting edge robot that  likes to be touched and has different modes of interaction. And the money shot is that she can synchronize orgasms with you. She also has a mode that allows her to say No to sex! Meet Harmony She is one of the most advanced sex … Read moreAre you ready for a sex robot ??!

Parenting in the age of sexual flexibility, plasticity & abuse

Parents , listen up! I’m  here to save you utter humiliation and possible harm to your children. . There is no way in hell that you are  right now  well enough prepared to  raise  a  sexually healthy child. A few short years ago, the internet was the boogeyman in every parents life . You spent … Read moreParenting in the age of sexual flexibility, plasticity & abuse

Why “Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder” Isn’t the Same as “Sex Addiction”.

The World Health Organisation (WHO ) put out a clarion call ! After 20 years it was time to reevaluate their Bible, namely the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11). Check every invoice from your health care provider and notice a little ICD-10 code. It is a system used internationally  by physicians and other healthcare providers to … Read moreWhy “Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder” Isn’t the Same as “Sex Addiction”.

The Joy of Jealousy

I like jealousy. Admittedly the feeling is  a dastardly painful emotional experience. However  not feeling it makes me afraid that I dont really care. That I am apathetic. Yet feeling it, or admitting that I feel this complex emotion,makes me feel embarrassed, weak . Jealousy is  desperate, clingy and unattractive . No way do I … Read moreThe Joy of Jealousy

Obesity, overweight, heavy, large : lets have an intimate conversation

Confession time : Im attracted to larger men. As long as he has the large confidence to match his large size. I like  people who are confident in their own skin.  I feel safe, grounded and relaxed when I am with a partner who can stand his man. Whatever “his man” is to him . … Read moreObesity, overweight, heavy, large : lets have an intimate conversation

A message to male sexual assault survivors: you are not alone

‘What, are you gay now?’ I just said ‘I’m not gay, I was raped’. But at that moment I knew that disclosing the event and opening a case would be a waste of time because, if my friends thought it was a joke, other people would probably also make fun of me.” What is it … Read moreA message to male sexual assault survivors: you are not alone

Lets talk about Endometriosis – no one else is

I ask myself why there is so much pain and shame associated with being in  a female body. Whether it begins  with her first inappropriate non consensual touch , usually by a man,  or her first painful consensual penetration with a man , her pain is ignored, its expected,  and she quickly learns to suck … Read moreLets talk about Endometriosis – no one else is

Exposing your Fantasies …to tell or not to tell

The professional  sex therapist  ( and the many quacks who call themselves “sex therapists” )  narrative  around fantasies goes like this  : “share your  sexual fantasies with each other. It will create intimacy, get you to really understand each other’s sexuality and perhaps you will get to actualise these fantasies. ” I scream out silently … Read moreExposing your Fantasies …to tell or not to tell

Family secrets: what do we tell the children ?

I am a keeper of secrets. Like a priest in a confession booth,  I have the responsibility of  holding and handling people’s most sacred and often times,  shameful secrets. One of the first contractual agreements I, like every therapist, enters into with a client/clients, is that of confidentiality. I commit to being the  professional secret … Read moreFamily secrets: what do we tell the children ?

I’m straight in a relationship with a bisexual person

Dear Dr Eve, help! Im a straight woman in a relationship with a  man who recently revealed that he is bisexual.  I am very attracted to him,  and I know he feels the same way about me. We have a really good sex life. I am scared he is going to leave me for a … Read moreI’m straight in a relationship with a bisexual person

Dr Eve’s New Campaign Addresses Sex After #MeToo

You can join the conversation by visiting Dr Eve’s Instagram account or her website. (read original Huffington Post here) Clinical sexologist and couples sex therapist Dr Eve has started a campaign that deals with intimacy trauma and how one can go back to having sex after experiencing sexual harassment. HTTP://DREVE.CO.ZA/ The campaign runs daily on social media, … Read moreDr Eve’s New Campaign Addresses Sex After #MeToo

Let’s Have A Conversation About Engaging In Sex After #MeToo

‘I’m going to answer your questions about consent, permission, and how to build a safe, pleasurable environment for your healthy sexual expression.’ (Read the original Huffington Post article) My earliest memory of sexual harassment was as a young teen. It was of my dentist touching me inappropriately. I told no one, having no language to … Read moreLet’s Have A Conversation About Engaging In Sex After #MeToo

Youth Day : who is Generation Z?

 On June 16 1976  a student uprising began in Soweto and spread countrywide.  In the Western world these kids are referred to as the Generation X kids, children of Baby Boomers. What made these kids unique from their parents was that they were latch key kids, were placed in day care as both parents worked, and … Read moreYouth Day : who is Generation Z?

Low sexual arousal /interest? Mindfulness is the answer

Think about the greatest sexual experience you have ever had. I am sure you remember every detail of this experience: the place, date, time , smells and the intimate activities that were happening. You might have been alone ,with  a partner, or  with more than one partner. You were not thinking about a work assignment, … Read moreLow sexual arousal /interest? Mindfulness is the answer

Female Orgasm : its time to wise up

Orgasms launched my career. Twenty five years ago talking about orgasms on radio was a necessity . Lack of sexuality education in an Apartheid state, my passion for educating people about sexuality and the firm conviction that it is the right of every person to enjoy healthy and pleasurable sexuality, motivated me to talk about … Read moreFemale Orgasm : its time to wise up

SexAfter#MeToo

My earliest memory of sexual harassment was as a young teen,  of my dentist touching me inappropriately. I told no one, having no language to even begin to express my confusion and discomfort. Literally  a few weeks ago my 89 year old Aunt mentioned our family dentist and how he had  felt her up. It … Read moreSexAfter#MeToo

May is International Masturbation Month : cum celebrate

Let’s get honest about masturbation and pornography.  Im going to simplify it like this: You watch porn because it physically and mentally , arouses you . You want to be aroused because you want to masturbate. Preferably alone. You want to masturbate because you enjoy the feelings of being private with your own sexuality.  Because … Read moreMay is International Masturbation Month : cum celebrate

To tell or not to tell: Disclosing sexual problems to a partner

Read Huffingtonpost original article here Sexual self-disclosure allows partners to better understand each other’s sexual needs and preferences. The number remains consistent : 43% of women currently experience one sexual problem and 12% report significant distress about their sexual problems.  By sexual problems I refer to women with low sexual interest/desire and  arousal , as … Read moreTo tell or not to tell: Disclosing sexual problems to a partner

Marriage Today : New thoughts on an old institution

Read Huffingtonpost original article here I should understand the institution of marriage. Ive had two of my own  over the past 40 years, and I choose to spend hours of my working  day in other people’s marriages/significant relationships. So Im always excited as I begin to notice changes in marriage that my clients bring to … Read moreMarriage Today : New thoughts on an old institution

Could Cheating On Your Spouse Actually Save Your Marriage?

Read Huffingtonpost original article here This is not a justification for cheating. It’s a new way of looking at and understanding infidelity. I know you’re happily married. I also know that morally you, like the majority of people globally, are opposed to infidelity. I also know that you have been impacted by infidelity either as … Read moreCould Cheating On Your Spouse Actually Save Your Marriage?

Could Cheating On Your Spouse Actually Save Your Marriage?

This is not a justification for cheating. It’s a new way of looking at and understanding infidelity. I know you’re happily married. I also know that morally you, like the majority of people globally, are opposed to infidelity. I also know that you have been impacted by infidelity either as a witness, child, confidant, friend. … Read moreCould Cheating On Your Spouse Actually Save Your Marriage?

Infidelity makes me feel alive: agree or disagree?

  I know you’re happily married. I also know that morally you, like the majority of people globally,  are opposed to infidelity. I also know that you have been impacted by infidelity either as witness, child, confidant , friend. And so you know there is just nothing that hurts quite as badly as infidelity.  However … Read moreInfidelity makes me feel alive: agree or disagree?

#Techsex: When Jealousy And Surveillance Kill The Mood

As we move into virtual reality in the next phase of our digi-lives, we remain humans, not robots, with human emotions. I have never been a fan of science fiction. It’s too out-there and definitely scary. Working with the unexpectedness of people’s behaviour, especially in their intimate relationships, is chilling – and thrilling. However, technology … Read more#Techsex: When Jealousy And Surveillance Kill The Mood

The Difference Between Sexual Assault And Bad Sex

There are solutions to avoiding both. “I told him I was tired, as he asked to go the third round while reaching for yet another condom. As if an agreement had been reached. He lay on top of me, and thrust and thrust, until he finally ejaculated. I lay still and unmoving underneath him. Days … Read moreThe Difference Between Sexual Assault And Bad Sex

Ageing South African Vaginas: A Study

The CLOSER study proves that atrophied vaginas are an emotional and sexual health hazard. At last a group of South African medical academics has looked at South African women’s vaginas and published their findings in a prestigious journal, Climacteric (2017 Vol 20, NO.1, 49-54). More specifically, these academics – all highly respected gynaecologists – chose … Read moreAgeing South African Vaginas: A Study

Sexual Desire Discrepancy- Guide to getting on the same page

I know you want to know this fact because I am asked it so frequently . The question  posed is : “how important is sex in  a relationship?”  It is usually asked by a person who feels so guilty for not having more frequent sex with her/his partner. They are so desperate  for release from … Read moreSexual Desire Discrepancy- Guide to getting on the same page

#TechSex: Jealousy and Surveillance

I have never been a fan of science fiction. Its too out there and definitely scary.  I find reality fascinating enough. Working with the unexpectedness of people’s behaviour , especially in their intimate relationships, is chilling – and thrilling. However  technology grabbed my attention. This  #tech world has always felt surreal , too immediate and … Read more#TechSex: Jealousy and Surveillance

Let’s Revisit The Termination Of Pregnancy Discussion

Abortion is a taboo subject in South Africa, with all of the associated stigmas. It is interesting to note that one of the first new bills that was passed in post-apartheid South Africa was the Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act 1996. Pretty impressive that the government of the day recognised and prioritised sexual and reproductive … Read moreLet’s Revisit The Termination Of Pregnancy Discussion

Ageing South African Vaginas : a study

At last a group of South African medical academics have looked at South African women’s vaginas and published their findings in a prestigious journal , namely Climateric ,( 2017 Vol 20, NO.1, 49-54) .  More specifically these academics, all highly respected gynaecologists, chose to study post menopausal women’s atrophied vaginas. These are vaginas that are … Read moreAgeing South African Vaginas : a study

You Asking Why She Stayed Silent Makes Me Want To Gag. Just Don’t

Accusing her for taking so long to speak up about sexual harassment hints at disbelief and doubt of the woman. Don’t ask. Simply do not ask this question. It implies that women are responsible for their own abuse and harassment. It hints at disbelief and doubt of the woman. It invites her onto a platform … Read moreYou Asking Why She Stayed Silent Makes Me Want To Gag. Just Don’t

Cuckolding And Hotwifing — Fetish Or Not?

“According to the Good Book, allowing anyone else into your sacred bed, makes you an infidel who will be met with fire and brimstone.” I remember the first time a couple came to share their cuckolding experience. I was moved by the boldness with which this 40-something educated man and woman spoke of this totally … Read moreCuckolding And Hotwifing — Fetish Or Not?

Termination of pregnancy : let’s revisit

How interesting is it that one of the first new Bills  that was passed in post Apartheid South Africa was the Choice on  Termination of Pregnancy Act 1996.  Pretty impressive that the Government of the day recognised and prioritised  sexual and reproductive health, creating one of the most progressive abortion bills in the world.   … Read moreTermination of pregnancy : let’s revisit

A perpetrators guide to surviving infidelity

You fucked up. Like big time. You know you’re not supposed to do that stuff. Stuff like falling in love with another person when you’ve legally, religiously, and ethically committed to love only one person, that person being your significant partner/spouse.  Stuff like having happy endings with paid masseuse , or hook up sex with … Read moreA perpetrators guide to surviving infidelity

Intimate Betrayals

Ive been thinking  a lot about “betrayal”. As a couple and sex therapist working with the trauma of sexual and emotional infidelity , it is easy for me to be side tracked into seeing infidelity  as the primary form of betrayal. This is a  narrow lens within which to view betrayal.  I want to expand … Read moreIntimate Betrayals

Live 2018 with Purpose & Passion

New Year’s resolutions leave an empty feeling in my gut. Perhaps because I am quite a focused person , having long ago embraced mindfulness as a  lifestyle, the idea of delaying gratification makes me feel uneasy.  Every day is filled with new possibilities and purpose and this gives me the passion to live life fully… … Read moreLive 2018 with Purpose & Passion

How To Know When You’ve Fallen Out Of Love

The fact is, few people fall back in love again. Few recover from romantic disengagement and indifference. Falling in love is an experience we idealise; a state of being we are told will bring us the ultimate happiness and satisfaction in life. It’s an aspirational goal for the lonely, broken-hearted and singularly defeated people. It … Read moreHow To Know When You’ve Fallen Out Of Love

If You’re Distressed About Your Sexual Desire, This Could Be Why

“It’s appropriate and healthy to reconsider the role of sexual desire in your own life, value system and in relation to your partnerships.” On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being the lowest and 5 the highest, rate how important your sexual desire is to you. Give a reason for this rating. No … Read moreIf You’re Distressed About Your Sexual Desire, This Could Be Why

Radical Honesty — Is It Necessary To Talk About ‘Everything’?

There is a complicit, unspoken agreement between a couple not to talk about certain subjects. Like sexuality. “I’m not a cheater,” says the man on my couch. “I’m a responsible husband. I have a job, I parent, I don’t abuse my wife. We even have sex together. So I fulfil the basic requirements of marriage. … Read moreRadical Honesty — Is It Necessary To Talk About ‘Everything’?

Some Healing Advice For Those Whose Childhood Trauma Shattered Their Sexuality And Intimacy

In 1998 the CDC uncovered a link between childhood trauma and chronic diseases people develop as adults as well as social and emotional problems. The man on my therapy couch tells me he “explodes” with his partner. He shamefully confesses verbally abusing her and cries as he tries to understand why he hurts the person … Read moreSome Healing Advice For Those Whose Childhood Trauma Shattered Their Sexuality And Intimacy

Does Cyber-Infidelity Shield Your Polyamorous Need — Yes Or No?

Were I to ask you whether or not you’re cheating online as you sext, chat, flirt with a person who is not your partner, you’d probably say no. Were I to ask you whether or not you believe in cheating, you would answer “no”? I’m betting that even Cyril Ramaphosa would say he believes in the principle … Read moreDoes Cyber-Infidelity Shield Your Polyamorous Need — Yes Or No?

Here’s What Consensual Sex Is And What It Isn’t In Five Scenarios

Invite your partner for a discussion on consent and make sure you’re both on the same page. The concept of “consent” is messy and confusing. And that’s when you’re sober and unaroused, now add sexual arousal, excitement and external stimulants and it’s a struggle to work through the politics of consent. Placing all of this … Read moreHere’s What Consensual Sex Is And What It Isn’t In Five Scenarios

Here’s How Breast Cancer And The Loss Of Sexual Desire Intersect

The fact is 70 percent of breast cancer survivors have sexual dysfunctions that persist well beyond the first year of treatment and may worsen over time. As a South African woman, you can be sure of two things: one in three of you will be raped and about one in eight white women and 35 … Read moreHere’s How Breast Cancer And The Loss Of Sexual Desire Intersect

Could It Be True That The Advantages Of Marriage Are Disappearing?

Marriage was born of ancient societies’ need to secure a safe environment in which to breed, handle the granting of property rights, and protect bloodlines. There was a time when being married was an advantage. In fact, marriage was deemed to be so important that powerful elder men fighting for land and economic strength arranged … Read moreCould It Be True That The Advantages Of Marriage Are Disappearing?

It’s Not A Popular Subject, But The Latest Research About Paedophilia May Help Us Protect Our Kids

Professionals who work clinically and conduct research into paedophilia must be be scientific and confident to withstand the arrows that get slung at them. Working professionally in sexuality is edgy. Working with children (and I refer to people under the age of 18 years old) and sexuality is off the edge. No person wants to … Read moreIt’s Not A Popular Subject, But The Latest Research About Paedophilia May Help Us Protect Our Kids

There’s No Reason Why The Menopause Should Stop You From Enjoying Sex

Don’t allow menopause to steal away half your life. I am a menopausal woman, have been for about 10 years. I just couldn’t help it, it came with aflash,, it surprised me with the heat it generated. The dysregulated temperature of feeling so cold and within hours throwing off night covers and seeking fresh air, … Read moreThere’s No Reason Why The Menopause Should Stop You From Enjoying Sex

Here’s A Guide On How To Amicably End Intimate Situations

Taking action feels overwhelming. Nowhere is this more abundantly felt than when ending a significant relationship. I work with complex relationships. Clinically this refers to relationships that have trauma associated with them. This might be a fresh trauma, like death, an accident, a job loss or discovery of infidelity. Or it could be a childhood … Read moreHere’s A Guide On How To Amicably End Intimate Situations

This Is Why Your Teens Are Having Sex And Here Are Tips On How You Can Protect Them

The drivers for teens to early sexual play include peer pressure, low esteem, coercion, sex for money, pessimism, and lack of communication with parents. Take a peek inside the life of a teenager. It comes with a hazard warning, as it may cause you some disturbance. I grabbed these results from the 2015 National Youth Risk … Read moreThis Is Why Your Teens Are Having Sex And Here Are Tips On How You Can Protect Them

Consensual Non-Monogamy Or Simply Put, Cheating

Naturally non-monogamous people have struggled to stay faithful, despite good intentions. Cheating was always the solution… I know you are morally and ethically opposed to sexual and emotional infidelity. If you have not personally experienced it, you probably know someone who has. You’ve seen the wrist slitting pain, confusion, shame and the attempted clawing back to … Read moreConsensual Non-Monogamy Or Simply Put, Cheating

What Do You Do If You Think Your Partner Is Abusing Your Child?

SA has one of the highest rates of child abuse, one in three children, are at risk of being victims of sexual and physical abuse before the age of 18. I do not watch television. My TV set is used exclusively for Netflix and series. However, once I get settled into the apartment in Manhattan, … Read moreWhat Do You Do If You Think Your Partner Is Abusing Your Child?

The Truth About Sexual Authenticity Disorder (SAD)

We cannot deny the influence and freedom that porn, Netflix and social media have given people to normalise their sexuality. I believe that most people are dishonest about their sexuality. It’s a provocative statement to make. Before you get all huffy and angry with my statement, stop and consider your own sexuality. Do you feel … Read moreThe Truth About Sexual Authenticity Disorder (SAD)

Dear Diary, Today We Had A Fight, And No Sex

I have no doubt that your sexual repertoire is dependent on and limited by the amount of conflict, sexual difficulties and frequency you have daily. I need to be physically warm. Which means that I keep my environment overheated. This is not a good thing for couples who arrive in my therapy room, anxious, with attendant … Read moreDear Diary, Today We Had A Fight, And No Sex

Why You Need To Remove ‘Sex Addiction’ From Your Mind And Vocabulary — Dr Eve

There is no addiction. Only a diverse form of sexual behaviour. Perhaps you are one of these men or have been accused of being one of them, you may even be married to one. You certainly have heard of this man: the man who is addicted to sex. This is the man who is accused … Read moreWhy You Need To Remove ‘Sex Addiction’ From Your Mind And Vocabulary — Dr Eve

A Basic Guide To Bisexuality

No, it is not a fad, a passing fancy, an indecisive person who can’t decide whom to love, or a promiscuous person, a cheater looking for an excuse to cheat. Call me presumptuous, but I think you need to know more about “bisexuality”. Too many people squirm on my therapeutic couch when they apologetically try … Read moreA Basic Guide To Bisexuality

Healthy Love – Rate Your Own Style Of Attachment

Think back to when you were a kid. Your earliest memories are of your parents or primary caregivers. You observed them looking , touching, hugging, laughing , fighting and playing with each other – or completely avoiding each other. And in turn either being affectionate or distant with you . This was the beginning of … Read moreHealthy Love – Rate Your Own Style Of Attachment

Sex workers: Our Love/Hate Relationship With The World’s Oldest Profession

“The fact that Nokuphila Khumalo’s work entailed sexual acts, and is criminalised, placed her and her many co- workers, at high risk of danger. A sex worker participates in a march to raise public awareness on human rights issues in their profession on International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers in Skopje, Macedonia December … Read moreSex workers: Our Love/Hate Relationship With The World’s Oldest Profession

Depression Stole My Partner

Many people erroneously think taking a PDE5I, like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis will do the trick – restore the erection and all will be well. In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, we vow to love a partner eternally. In reality this is a big ask. How many of us can honestly say what … Read moreDepression Stole My Partner