Female Orgasm : its time to wise up

Orgasms launched my career. Twenty five years ago talking about orgasms on radio was a necessity . Lack of sexuality education in an Apartheid state, my passion for educating people about sexuality and the firm conviction that it is the right of every person to enjoy healthy and pleasurable sexuality, motivated me to talk about orgasms ..over and over again .

I grew bored of this subject and believed that people had got it. I never imagined that  I would be in the privileged position  of seeing yet another generation enter into my professional life. And I naively believed that this new generation , who receive sexuality education as part of life skills, have porn on tap and multiple opportunities to google “orgasm” , would be woke to female orgasms.

This is not the case. Once again I am in the position of needing to talk about female orgasms. Let’s do it !


  1. How do I know if Ive had an orgasm?   You’ll know! Every woman is different, but most women will have some sort of involuntary physiological response. Your muscles, especially those around your genito -uro-pelvic region shake or twitch uncontrollably, your heart rate increases suddenly, you skip a breath, your chest gets flushed,  as does your face.A clitoral orgasm can bring about anywhere between three and 16 contraction  s and can last from 10 to 30 seconds

    Overall women describe it much like riding  wave:  a feeling of intense build up of pleasurable sensations and a gentle or sudden release, resulting in utter relaxation , sleepiness or get-up-and -go feelings.

  2. How do I have an orgasm ?  Orgasm-inducing nerves are located not in the vagina, but in the clitoris. The clitoris is IT. I prefer to refer to the term VULVA. This encompasses the clitoris, labia and vagina together. Only the glans of the clitoris can be seen when pulling back the labia. The shaft and crura are buried inside the vulva which is why stimulation of the entire vulva area is necessary to bring a woman to orgasm . Intercourse provides some women with enough clitoral stimulation to elicit orgasm, But intercourse—even extended, vigorous intercourse—provides only a little direct clitoral stimulation, which is why half the women didn’t have orgasms from just the old in-out.

3. Am I the only woman who struggles to become orgasmic? 

As many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sexual play . And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help her become orgasmic .

Check out the difference: On average, men experience orgasm 85.1 percent of the time, with their sexual orientation making little difference.

On average, women experience orgasm 62.9 percent of the time during sex with a familiar partner . Lesbian women experience orgasm more often than heterosexual or bisexual women. perhaps because they are wise enough not to rely on a penis 🙂

In a committed relationship, 70 percent of the women reported orgasm. But with casual partners, the rate was just 49 percent.

4. What increases my chances of becoming orgasmic ?

If you are a women who is comfortable with and understand your  body’s pleasure , your chances of reliable orgasms increase. Get there through masturbation. Masturbation is the tried and tested way of learning to become orgasmic alone. Use toys, hands, water, water based or silicone based lubricant plus fantasy.

As far as the actual touching, in as study  66.6 percent of women said they preferred being touched directly on the clitoris and cited ‘up and down’ with medium pressure as their preferred style of touch.

5. Why does it take me so long to become orgasmic ?

Most  healthy pre menopausal women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. Spending time to build-up arousal, having a partner who knows what you like, and ’emotional intimacy’ as techniques  enhances your  orgasmic possibility. The trick is to have the courage to communicate to your partner what you need to uniquely arouse you. And bear in mind that each time you are sexual , you require a different kind of touching time,  to become orgasmic. This is hormonally driven as well as dependent on your mental and physical health and most significantly, dependent on your attachment to your sexual partner.

6. Can I have more than one orgasm in a session? 

Women have the ability to have multiple orgasms. Be brave.Keep going after your first wave of feeling the earth move. You are never done until you call it. Explore all areas of your body for orgasmic opportunities: breast stimulation , neck and back of knees as well as the perineum and anal play. Anal play is  a biggie as women who receive consensual anal penetration may feel  pleasurable pressure on their vaginas and can simultaneously stimulate their clitoral areas.  Actually your choices are endless.

Pre -orgasmic women, that is women who are waiting to have their orgasms, loose interest in being sexual, not much motivation , they state. They are more likely to  build resentment to their male  partners who reliably orgasm. And are more at risk for infidelity, responding to  a partner  to whom they feel they can communicate their sexual needs.

Message to partners of women : forget about her vagina . She may beg you to get inside and  fill her up. Do so. But never forget about her clitoral area. Women who receive oral sex , manual masturbation and who use a clitoral vibrator , are going to come back for more and then some!