May is International Masturbation Month : cum celebrate

Let’s get honest about masturbation and pornography.  Im going to simplify it like this: You watch porn because it physically and mentally , arouses you .

You want to be aroused because you want to masturbate. Preferably alone.

You want to masturbate because you enjoy the feelings of being private with your own sexuality.  Because you want a guaranteed uncomplicated orgasm. Porn  merely assists and heightens this experience for you.

If you accept this as your truth, then you must  accept that pornography and masturbation go hand in hand, so to speak.

Society has blackballed both porn and masturbation, independently from each other. Porn is  blamed for creating “sex addicts” out of men who are then medicalised into specialised clinics.  I know you, men and women in equal proportion, if PornHub and my own research is to be believed,  watch porn out of curiosity, to seek more interesting sex than you’re having, to learn how to have more interesting sex than what you’re currently having. I am not naive to the many men who have trouble with consuming  porn as a way of easing anxiety and other uncomfortable emotions. Once this is discovered in my therapy room, porn no longer is the problem rather a symptom of other painful  life experiences.

My question is : why is masturbation blackballed?? I think that all the fuss about porn is really society’s way of distracting us from masturbating alone. So lets not get into  the porn debate . I want to focus on masturbation.

Challenge to you: Help me understand why masturbation remains taboo to you. I know you practice and enjoy it. As I launched my  social media May theme,  “cum what May”, my twitter feed went crazy. People want a safe place to talk about masturbation.

Tick off your truth :

  • I keep it secret from my partner
  • It is a form of intimate betrayal
  • It is a form of sexual infidelity
  • I enjoy it more than partner sex as there is no pressure
  • It is more  sexually satisfying than partner sex
  • I only do it together with my partner
  • I do it in addition to partner sex

Marriage and significant relationships become  a place to surrender one’s individuality, hang up one’s unique quirks and interests and in addition, create a sexual hub. A hub that is occupied by two people exclusively, 4 hands and 2 sets of genitals.  The Marriage/Relationship myth that accompanies these strong societal messages , is that all individual sexual play is barred. Everything must from now on , be shared, including exclusive  access to each other’s genitals.

Masturbation is a private act and in  relationships we are not supposed to have any privacy . So we go underground with our solo sexual activity. And when caught out, we feel shamed , called a sex addict and sent for  treatment. Back in the day there was a disorder called Masturbatory Insanity. Today it is called Porn Addiction. Its treatment was castration and clitoridectomy.  Thomas S. Szasz,  was a psychiatrist extrodanaire,  and stated that the false beliefs around masturbation and the medical interventions it appears to justify serves the needs of the believers, especially the relatives of “patients” who seek control over the misbehavior of their “loved ones,” and the physicians who gain prestige and power by “diagnosing” and “treating” misbehavior as if it were disease.

Masturbation, a sexual activity begun in the womb, is relegated to the dark recesses of  memory as it is considered disloyalty to the partner. I prefer that you get the facts . lay aside your shame, have a conversation with your partner/s and accept masturbation as a healthy engaging private activity. Here are the reasons why:

  1. If you masturbate it means your relationship isn’t satisfying. Nonsense! Masturbation leads to higher incidence of partner sex as you are keeping your sexuality alive and well.. which is your personal responsibility. If your relationship is not satisfying, no amount of masturbation will fix it. Rather take your hands off your own genitals long enough to have an honest and difficult conversation with your partner.
  2. It’s the fastest way to orgasm. Correct/Fact ! Any woman needs about 15-20 minutes to become orgasmic. Using a vibrator , her own fingers, in a completely private non pressured environment, will get her there faster and more intensely.  Its the quickie of solo sex. Of course  spending long languid hours making glove to yourself is deeply encouraged for  sexual self discovery and self reflection .
  3. You will prefer it to partnered sex. Fact and Myth. Let’s not do a comparison . It is both preferable and different. No one knows how to stimulate you quite as well as you do. Accept that both experiences are unique and both should be satisfying. If you are choosing it over partner sex, if it interferes with your interest in partner sex, then talk to your partner about it .
  4. Women can become addicted to vibrators. Nonsense! I prefer women to become orgasmic with her own fingers/hands before she gets into vibe use. I want her to be able to guide a partner/s into bringing her to orgasm with mouth/tongue/fingers and not have to rely on a vibe for orgasms. A partner might object to a vibe and then she is left high and dry. Soon she will claim a headache .. and sneak alone time with her vibrator. Then again , who cares how she gets off??! Vibes are there to enable women to explore and get rid of sexual shame of being pre orgasmic which leaves men feeling paralysed sexually. This  is why I am offering less 10% on all my products in the store for the month of May
  5. Masturbation causes erectile dysfunction. Nonsense ! Recent research negates this myth. Porn is blamed for this. Erectile dysfunction in younger men is as a result of anxiety, increased use of anti depressants and condom use. Masturbation , which people in relationships do more frequently than partner sex, offers a different sensation that may be difficult to replicate within a vagina and even inside  tight anus. This can cause erectile dysfunction.
  6. If you don’t masturbate, there is something wrong with you. Nonsense ! Masturbation is a personal choice. There are excellent health reasons for men and for women, to masturbate regularly. And if you choose not to play solo, don’t self shame yourself .

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