People in nonmonogamous relationships don’t try to ignore the emotion or avoid it. They believe jealousy should be acknowledged, and that anyone can learn strategies to cope with it. The structure of their relationship demands as much.

Differently to monogamous relationships, poly relationships have no rules . They have boundaries and agreements. They rationale is that placing rules inhibits the problem, it does not solve the feelings that led to jealousy. Feelings such as insecurity , fear, anger, are addressed and new agreements are constantly made.

qualitative phenomenological study examined jealousy and envy in non-monogamy. The results offer a great guide as to how to better manage jealousy in a healthy adult manner. I invite you to accept and embrace  this complex emotion that we need for survival  and that most definitely needs to be  kept under control, lest we add to the horrific statistic of intimate partner violence and overall human suffering.


  • Agreements reduce jealousy: agree on definitions of monogamy , commitment,  infidelity and cyber infidelity
  • Boundary violations increase jealous : set boundaries between the two of you and don’t violate them . For example, sharing all communications that you have with an ex.
  •  Communication mitigates against jealousy : be a nerd, be childish and admit to feelings of  insecurity, abandonment, and asking for what you need to contain your feelings of fear .
  • Time allocation fuels jealousy: spending quality  time together  contains jealousy. Make agreements around time spend that suits you both
  • Willingness to end problem relationships helps manage jealousy. If you refuse to end a relationship that proves problematic for your partner, jealousy will thrive.
  • Self comparison to ex’s magnifies jealousies.
  • Do this online questionnaire and assess your level of attachment  in a relationship: how secure are you in intimate relationships? If you fall into insecure domain , see a therapist to work on your own intimacy. It will go a far way to assisting you to  manage jealousy in your relationships. Experiences in Close Relationships Scale 

For more information on Jealousy, contact me